Sexual Seven — "Suggestibility"

Individuals with the Sexual Seven subtype are gluttons for things of the higher world-for optimistically seeing things as they could be in the ideal world of their imaginations. Sexual Sevens are dreamers with a need to imagine something better than stark, ordinary reality. These Sevens have a passion for embellishing everyday reality, for being too enthusiastic, and for idealizing things and seeing the world as better than it actually is. Their gluttony gets expressed as a need for idealization.

Sexual Sevens are not as interested in the things of this world as they are in the things of a more highly advanced dimension. They look at the sky as an escape from the earth; they are more “heavenly” than “earthy.” People with this subtype are light-hearted enjoyers with a need to dream and to idealize and embellish the ordinary. In line with this tendency, they can be very idealistic and somewhat naïve.

These Sevens tend to look at things with the optimism of somebody who is in love. Everything looks better when you are in love, and the Sexual Seven takes refuge in this kind of ideal, positive experience as a way of unconsciously avoiding what might be unpleasant in life. They focus on a highly positive view of life to distract themselves from the uncomfortable or scary emotions they would rather remain unaware of.

It is said that “love is blind.” Naranjo contends that Sexual Sevens may be said to be blind in this same sense: they display a bit too much enthusiasm and optimism and pay disproportionate attention to the positive data in a situation. These Sevens can fall in love very intensely, and they relate to their world through dreaming and imagination. They imagine what the world could be, and they can believe that this optimistic view is real.

In this way, Sexual Sevens express a need to fantasize, a need to dream, or a need for rose-colored glasses. These Sevens have a tendency to be too happy. They display a need to live in a charmed reality, to fantasize-to live in a world seen as an overcompensation that reflects an unconscious desire to deny or avoid the painful or boring or frightening parts of life. Sexual Sevens tend to experience an underlying fear of getting stuck in these kinds of feelings and so take refuge in optimism.

This Seven’s need to dream is a form of idealization-a passion for viewing life as it could be or as they imagine it to be; a tendency to live for the sweetness in a dreamed-of or imagined world rather than for the ordinary and not-so-interesting reality. They don’t want to pay attention to anything bad or difficult that might be happening.

Sexual Sevens think, “I’m okay, everything’s okay.” Naranjo points out that this way of thinking is very therapeutic for everyone who is not a Seven. Sexual Sevens often had some sort of painful experience growing up and they’ve adopted a sense of lightness as a defense against feeling their pain. They defensively take refuge in a happy, or excessively happy, and expansive mood that operates as a way of unconsciously diverting themselves from recognizing and feeling a deeper pain. It’s like walking lightly above things or hovering at an elevated level as a means of escaping the uncomfortable emotions.

The name given to this type is “Suggestibility,” which implies a readiness to be mentally flexible and imaginative-but it also has to do with being gullible, easy to hypnotize, and susceptible to the infection of enthusiasm. Naranjo points out that Sexual Sevens’ cognitive defenses are shaped as suggestion, fantasy, and illusion. They can naively believe that people are what they say they are, and they can be very trusting, seeing the world and people in beautiful, perhaps overly positive, terms. They run to an idyllic future and away from a potentially uncomfortable or painful present. They display a prevalence of thought and imagination over feeling and instinct.

In terms of personal style, Sexual Sevens are people who like to talk a lot. They are verbose and excited by their own discourse, and their speech is characterized by a flow of “wonderful ideas and possibilities.” They can also play the role of the carefree clown whom nothing seems to affect. People with this subtype tend to use ironic humor, which can be escapist, and they test limits through seduction and humor. They seek acceptance, appreciation, and recognition, and they manipulate through seduction.

Sexual Sevens plan and improvise a lot. They believe that they can do everything, and they feel a need to plan or mount successful strategies that will ensure their pleasure. They may experience anxiety, however, about the difficulty of engaging in many scenarios at once and having to give something up. They can have a restless and anxious energy, which can take the outer form of doing things on many fronts and engaging in many activities at the same time. Their excitement and anxiety can cloud their perception of reality. At times they may rebel through passive-aggression, which they tend to do by living in their imagination-relating to situations as they would like them to be and not taking action in the real world.

Sexual Sevens see the world as a marketplace of outstanding opportunities: the more you take, the more you can enjoy. These Sevens express excitement about the possibility of consuming many experiences-everything is exciting and spectacular-like someone who goes to a bakery and wants to try a bit of everything. They find a sense of satisfaction in being able to have it all, in not missing or losing out on anything.

Contrary to what we might expect from this “Sexual” Seven subtype, this Seven is not so much focused on sex as they are on the essence of love. Sexual Sevens fall in love very easily, but they’re not as interested in having sex with someone as they are in attaining a kind of idealized ultimate connection. Sexuality itself stays primarily in the head for these characters. It’s a normal sexuality on one hand, but it’s a promise for a bigger opening to a mystical union on the other.

Sexual Sevens are gluttons for things of the higher world, and this makes them dreamers. They often feel an attraction to spiritual or metaphysical experience, as well as to extraordinary or esoteric things. Earthly, mundane things can be very hard to bear for a person who lives in a more idealized mental reality, and so this individual can have an intense dislike for activities they find routine, tedious, or boring.

For the Sexual Seven, earthly things take effort, and can therefore feel boring or tedious, whereas the mind works so easily and without friction. It’s so much easier to imagine doing something than to actually do it. So, this Seven finds comfort-indulging a kind of worldly laziness-in imagining instead of doing.

Adam, a Sexual Seven, speaks:

I deeply resonate with the description of the Sexual Seven. While I have never been a glutton for things or substances, I have been a glutton for idealization, learning, and good energy. In order to feel okay, I have general needed to feel positively “stoked.” In fact, my nickname in high school was “EnthusiAdam.” I was very excited about most facets of my life, and my enthusiasm was contagious. This characterization of me has remained fairly constant, although I have mellowed somewhat as I’ve aged.

I have also thought of myself as a serious romantic, and much of my thinking is consistent with an enneatype of Four: I love deeply, I love being in love, and I have always longed for love. As such, I was very careful about who I chose as my wife. I needed to be unequivocal about this important decision-and, thankfully, I chose well. I have been madly in love with her for the now more-than-eleven years we’ve been together. What is now a reality was previously a dream that I spent much time visualizing and fantasizing about, and I’m now aware that these activities are consistent with this subtype.

I have a strong dislike for the mundane. I find mindless chatter difficult to bear, and I really, really can’t stand housework. The only way I can do housework is by distracting myself with an MP3 of a stimulating lecture and being left alone while I do my chores. Then, at least, I’m learning-the time is not a total waste and my gluttony for learning is satisfied.

Lastly, I have spent a great deal of time fantasizing about my ideal retirement. For me, that retirement would involve traveling with my beloved wife, plenty of intellectual stimulation, endless fun, and tons of time for deep connection with her.

Specific Work For The Sexual Seven on the Path from Vice to Virtue

Sexual Sevens can travel the path from gluttony to sobriety by noticing when they are living in their imagination rather than in reality and allowing themselves to explore why they’re doing so and what’s happening inside them when they allow this. If you are this Seven, learn to distinguish between fantasy and reality. Work on understanding your need to embellish reality and idealize people and things, and explore the motives and feelings behind those tendencies. Be alert to identifying “logical arguments” and rationalizations that support fantasies that prevent you from growing and moving forward. Recognize when a rose-colored view of something is masking a deeper frustration or fear, and work to unearth those deeper feelings. Work on learning how to tolerate frustration so you can get more of what you want and need in the real world and don’t have to subsist on fantasy. Notice if you are engaging in passive-aggressive rebellion of any kind, and investigate what might be motivating it. Work to get in touch with your deeper feelings, including fear, sadness, or anger. Be honest with yourself when you think you are working on a relationship but you are actually just “working on it” in your imagination. Be open to recognizing when you get disappointed in the reality of something; when it doesn’t’ measure up to your idealization of it; and when anxiety may be clouding your vision of what’s happening. Support yourself in getting in touch with any anxiety you might be feeling instead of acting it out through enthusiasm and a drive for pleasure.

Sourced with permission from The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut.

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