Sexual Six — "Strength/Beauty" (Countertype)

The countertype of the Type Six subtypes, the Sexual Six is the most counterphobic Six, the one who turns against the passion of fear by assuming a stance of strength and intimidation. Instead of actively feeling fearful, these Sixes have an inner belief that when you are afraid, the best defense is a good offense. As Naranjo explains, anxiety in this Six is allayed by skill and readiness in the face of a possible attack. They often appear bold and even fierce. They go against danger assertively, and even aggressively, as a way of denying and coping with their (often unconscious) fear.

Through denying their feelings of fear to one extent or another, Sexual Sixes go against danger from a position of strength; therefore, they have a passion for searching for or securing a position of strength. And it's not just a strong character they seek, but the kind of strength that makes somebody else afraid-they want to assume a powerful enough to hold the enemy at a distance. These Sixes display a forcefulness that comes from not wanting to be weak, and they don't allow for weakness in themselves.

Sexual Sixes' strength is often physical. They may develop this physical strength through sports or exercise that serve to build muscles and make them feel strong in their bodies. They tend to have marked control over their bodies as a way of cultivating a sense of inner strength to guard against feeling the chaotic emotions associated with the release of rage or other impulses.

Theses Sixes also seek to be strong in terms of endurance; they seek to feel tough in the face of fatigue, oppression, humiliation, and pain. (In this aspect, they may resemble the Self-Preservation Four.) For the Sexual Six, strength is often directly connected to an illusion of independence and a sense of being able to remain "unscathed" by trouble. They may also have a feeling of being somehow "bad" inside, and their strength protects them from their own inner attacks on themselves.

Sexual Sixes have a need not just for strength but for intimidation. As Naranjo suggests, this expression of intimidation is very much the essence of the character; if they appear strong, they won't be attacked. While Naranjo explains that Ichazo's title for this subtype, "Strength/Beauty," originally meant "strength" in men and "beauty" in women, it may also be true that being beautiful is a source of strength in both male and female Sexual Sixes.

These characters walk around with the idea that anyone can become dangerous, so they do everything they can to not feel cheated, manipulated, taken advantage of, or attacked. If you are someone who thinks and feels this way, you need to be prepared to be strong and mount a resistance. That's why Sexual Sixes not only develop strength but also intimidations-in the service of resistances, of being prepared to scare someone off, rebel, or be contrary.

Sexual Sixes give off the impression that they could get violent with anybody at any time, but that doesn’t mean that they have no fear. It is precisely out of a sense of fear that their anticipation of an attack comes-there is a somewhat paranoid imagining of danger, a belief that anyone can turn into a threat. However, these Sixes usually do not look afraid; their visible character could hardly be called "fearful" from the outside.

In contrast to the Self-Preservation Six, who backs away from threats, the counterphobic Sexual Six tends to move toward risky situations, feeling a sense of safety in actually confronting danger rather than hiding from it or avoiding it. They convince themselves (and others) that they are not victims of fear; they are convinced that fear is an emotion that should be eliminated systemically.

Despite being aggressive as part of their effort to intimidate through strength, Sexual Sixes tend not to acknowledge their aggressive side and may not be aware of it-or at least of the intensity of it. Their aggression is expressed mostly in the social arena and not as much in their private lives, as they will usually have needed to develop some level of trust with those they are close to. They also tend to separate their emotions: aggression is disconnected from fear, and sex is disconnected from feelings of love and intimacy.

The fact that these Sixes regularly move against danger (or perceived danger) can, at times, give them the appearance of a rebel, a daredevil, a risk taker, an adrenaline junkie, or a troublemaker. In some cases, Sexual Sixes may be prone to megalomania or having a "hero complex." In their own way, they seek to be "good guys" to avoid being punished. They may have the illusion that they are spontaneous, but they tend not to be.

Sexual Sixes tend to be very contrarian: they always have an argument at hand to refute and contradict an opinion. Instead of thinking in terms of "best-case" or "worst-case" scenarios, they think in terms of contrarian scenarios-if the trend is for others to focus on the worst, they will focus on the best; but if everyone is focusing on the best, they will assert the worst.

Although they may seem certain in their assertiveness, Sexual Sixes may hold doubt in their minds for along time-doubting which road to take and so getting caught between choices. They often believe that there is only one truth, and they prefer concrete and pragmatic ideologies because they feel safe and allow control of the world. They fear making an error, and the consequences of doing so.

The Sexual Six can look like a Type Eight because both types can appear intimidating, strong, and powerful. However, in contrast to the Eight, who tends to be fearless, the Sexual Six is motivated by an underlying fear, even when they don't consciously feel it of show it. Also, while Eights like to create order, Sexual Sixes often like to disrupt order by stirring up trouble. Sexual Sixes can also look like Threes in that they are action-oriented, fast-moving, assertive, and hardworking. They differ from Threes, however, in that they have more paranoid fantasies and their assertiveness has its basis in fear rather than in the need to achieve and accomplish goals in the service of looking good.

Richard, a Sexual Six, speaks:

For me the world is a dangerous place and as a result I maintain a constant vigilance. Scanning and looking for inconsistencies in people and the world around me is an ongoing and never-ending task. Dealing with the outside world is exhausting as a result.

Social occasions are especially taxing. On a recent night out with my wife, we went to a party where there were twenty to thirty other couples in attendance. Everyone was in a fun and festive mood...including myself. However, I quickly noticed that while my wife was easily approached and engaged by the new people around us, I, on the other hand, seemed to maintain a three-foot "No Fly Zone" around me for at least the first hour.

I've realized that my automatic and unconscious approach to dealing with uncertain and potentially threatening situations is to present myself as a potential threat. I don't literally threaten people, of course; it's more of an energy, or an aura, I create around myself without always knowing I'm doing it. I often wonder how others experience me when I'm in that mode, reserved and somewhat stoic, critical and watchful, and physically intense. From the inside, I have the sense that I’m ready to spring into action at a moment's notice. Recently, through therapy, I've realized how important it has been for me to squash fear (and even potential hints of fear) aggressively, assertively, and with prejudice.

Specific Work For The Sexual Six on the Path from Vice to Virtue

Sexual Sixes can travel the path from fear to courage by learning how to be more vulnerable. If you are a Sexual Six, you may at times feel courageous, but don't mistake aggression and "strength" born of fear for real courage. As Naranjo says, the courage of the Sexual Six is the courage of having a weapon. Put down your weapons and learn to tap into your vulnerable emotions as a source of real strength, real power, and real courage. Notice how being strong masks your fear and other vulnerable feelings, and work to get in touch with those instead of always taking refuge in your ability to squash fear and look strong on the outside. Work toward having the courage to be able to let your guard down with more people more often. Allow yourself to feel pleasure without ambivalence and tenderness without reserve. Notice how the fear of losing your freedom and independence may lead you to push people away, and work on learning to trust people more with your more vulnerable feelings. Allow yourself to be guided more by instinct, intuition, and softer emotions so you can expand the ways in which you relate to yourself and open yourself up to others. Recognize that you can be liberated from the fear that keeps you locked inside the hard shell of your "acorn" self by seeing and accepting that you don't always have to be so strong and so vigilant.

Sourced with permission from The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut.

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