Sexual Two — "Aggressive/Seductive"

The Sexual Two is a seducer of particular individuals. Classical seduction is the main approach of this Two, who expresses a driving need to seduce other people as a way of getting their needs met. This seduction - a way of gaining allegiance or inflaming the desire of the other - occurs through the cultivation of an attractive presentation and the expression of feeling.

While the Self-Preservation Two is the countertype of Two, with conflicting impulses toward and away from people, and the Social Two is a more adult Two oriented to power and control, the Sexual Two is a generous, flexible, somewhat wild, action-oriented Two who is not afraid to woo others by using sexuality as a weapon of conquest. The Social Two tries to be important to feed their pride; the Sexual Two, in contrast, feeds their pride through having somebody's passionate attachment. Where intelligence or strategic skill helps the Social Two reach the goal of seducing the group, sexuality and charm are the strongholds of the Sexual Two in seducing specific people.

The Sexual Two displays the clearest tendencies toward seduction in the classic sense, using charm and sexuality as a way to lure in unsuspecting potential suppliers of love, favors and other gifts. Sexual Twos transform their need for love into false needs, whims, and a sense of entitlement to do what they please when they please, not asking but taking. The purpose behind the Sexual Two's seduction is that it is a way to solve any problem or meet any need in life: this Two solves the dilemma of having needs but not wanting to express them by having a strong bond with somebody who will give them anything they want.

Sexual Twos have a need to be desired that fuels the need to seduce. Pride activates their impulse to inspire attraction in others so that they will give the Two whatever they want, though the Two's pride may not be so obvious if it is satisfied by "the loved one." Similar to the Sexual Four, the Sexual Two's strategy entails being very attractive and somewhat less ashamed of having needs. This pattern reflects a prideful sense that others will want to meet their needs because they are so appealing, charming and generous.

This Two resembles the French expression of the femme fatale (or its male equivalent) archetype in that there is a kind of "dangerous irresistibility" to this personality. In a similar way, the "Aggressive/Seductive" title given to this subtype suggests an association with the archetype of a vampire. This Two is irresistible: somebody who is beautiful, but who possesses a dangerous kind of beauty. It's a beauty that needs to wield power over you and could end up consuming you. The name Aggressive/Seductive also suggests the forward momentum this type displays in moving toward others - an active, purposeful attitude that can include an element of aggression.

The Sexual Two can be direct and even dramatic in the execution of a classical seduction: the capturing of another person's affection and devotion involves an intense, targeted, and passionate effort on the part of the naturally sexy Sexual Two. And this Two aims to secure a relationship through this seduction in which they express devotion and generosity in exchange for whatever it is they want. Because the underlying motive of the aggressively seductive strategy is to get needs met - to basically get a blank check - it can be hard for these Twos to accept limits or take "no" for an answer.

In this way, the Sexual Two's deeper need for love and need to seduce manifests in a character who uses beauty, charm, and promises of affection to attract a partner who will make them feel desirable and meet all their needs. This Two may need attention or money or pampering, but whatever it is, the strategy to obtain it centers around classical seduction designed to create a special connection through which the Two can have their needs and desires satisfied.

Sexual Twos justify their actions, words, madness, wildness, invasiveness, and selfishness in the name of love, as if love were the only emotion, the center of life, the experience that justifies everything. For people with this subtype, love may be conflated with liking or with being desired. For them, "love" is about enchanting, seducing and attracting - about maneuvering themselves into a position in which they occupy a special place. Inspiring passion in someone else is their way to fix everything in life. In line with this, they may have a self-image of the "ideal lover."

Naranjo has suggested that in the "highly emotional and romantic [Two] character, 'help' translates as 'emotional support,' and on the whole, the personality is better evoked through 'lover' than 'helper.' We can see this especially in the Sexual Two: the personality might be better captured in the archetype of the "lover" than the names that are often ascribed to Twos: "helper" or "giver."

While the other Two subtypes can be look-alikes to other types, the Sexual Two may be the most recognizable as a Two and is in some ways the "classic" Two described in many Enneagram books. That said, the Sexual Two may be confused with the Sexual Four or the Sexual Three. For instance, Scarlett O'Hara, the heroine of Gone With the Wind, has sometimes been characterized as a Three or a Four, but Naranjo describes her as a good example of the Sexual Two personality. He points out that in the pursuit of her love object, Ashley, "exploitiveness and selfishness are scarcely hidden under the mask of false love" and that she demonstrates this Two's sense that "desires are more important than principles."

The energy of this Two can be seen as "double Two" in that this person moves toward others with the combined force of both the Two "up and out" energy and the Sexual, fusion-oriented, instinctual energy, which amplifies their momentum. In relationships, this Two may communicate both a sense of excitement and the intent of a hunter closing in on its prey. Passionate, seductive, and generous, Sexual Twos typically put a great deal of energy into making relationships happen, and can have a very difficult time letting go if a relationship doesn't work out.

Teri, a Sexual Two, speaks:

I always found it easy to flirt. I enjoyed meeting new people, but especially men! If I wasn't flirting for myself I would flirt for my girlfriends. They would be shocked at how easily I could go up to an attractive man and start a conversation. I used my smile and eyes and humor to grab their attention, and could tell when I had won someone's interest. It was my drug. I would get such a rush from that attention- but if it lasted for too long, I would either get scared or bored and want to be off to the next conquest. I also had this need to please the person I was talking with, so much so that I would not even stop to notice what I really believed, but would just naturally agree, wanting them to like me and to avoid any conflict. It took many years and an anxiety disorder for me to understand that need for attention, that need to be liked at all costs. At this point, I still love the connections I make with people, but they feel genuine now, not for show or to meet some dysfunctional need.

Specific Work For The Social Two on the Path from Vice to Virtue

Sexual Twos can travel the path from pride to humility by actively developing aspects of their real selves; by finding varied ways to meet their needs; and by more consciously managing their energetic connections with others. By focusing on receiving and giving with presence and awareness, containing their seductive energy, and maintaining good boundaries, they can temper their pride with a more humble sense of their own intentions and impact on other people. These Twos can also aim for humility by being honest with themselves about their true intentions in relationships, noting when they manipulate or misrepresent themselves in the service of seduction, and taking the risk to be who they are as opposed to presenting themselves as the ideal love object. If you are a Sexual Two, be honest with yourself about whether or not you are basing your self-image on who you think you need to be loved or desired. Try to risk being yourself and allowing others to come to you.

Sourced with permission from The Complete Enneagram by Beatrice Chestnut.

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