Call to Trust Part 3
Sometimes, we consciously choose change because the life we want to live is requiring it of us.
And sometimes life gives us circumstances that we have to deal with.
Both of these scenarios give us a really great opportunity to discover things about ourselves that we haven't seen before. The vital tension that gets created during these times of change will naturally drive our default tendencies and coping strategies to the surface.
When life gave me new circumstances this year I saw my personality kick into overdrive. I wanted to plan and get busy and make my home all perfect and go go go in an attempt to outrun my pain.
There came a moment when I had to ask myself, is this how I want to move through this situation? Is this really who I want to be? The answer was no.
But this is the place in the process where it's really important to offer ourselves more love and compassion than ever before. Often when we see our default tendencies, we get critical. Then we try to bully ourselves to be different.
I should be more like this.
I need to be more like that.
What's wrong with me?
Why can’t I figure this out?
If only I were more (fill in the blank).
Can you relate -- Have you ever tried to bully yourself into change? You might create some new results in that way but the process is going to be extra miserable.
It's far more effective to love yourself into change.
I’m going to share the question I started seriously asking myself this year. I invite you to consider it and see what difference it makes for you.
What if I absolutely refuse to judge myself and instead I practice self-compassion for this human experience I’m having?
Part of what we see when stress is high are all the various aspects of our humanity coming to light. The part of us that doesn't want to hurt. The part of us that's afraid. The part of us that desperately wants to control how things are going to go.
If you don’t make those parts of yourself wrong in any way, something softens and new questions arise...
Can I love the part of me that is hurting right now?
Can I love the part of me that wants to hide?
Can I love the part of me that feels helpless?
I may not want to keep using my default tendencies and coping strategies going forward but I can appreciate what they have provided for me and begin to touch the actual experiences beneath them. By doing so, I create space for new possibilities to emerge.
So before we go any further in this process, let’s pause here.
Consider whatever challenging or difficult experiences you may be having right now.
Ask yourself how you can practice giving yourself more love and self-compassion.
Remind yourself: THIS is exactly what it’s like to have a human experience and I’m doing the best I can in this moment.
You've got this!