What Are the 3 Essential Elements of Self-Compassion?
Let’s talk about the three elements of self-compassion. (This comes directly from the work of Kristin Neff, a lead researcher in the science behind self-compassion.)
Self-kindness
Compassion is being kind to someone in the midst of their suffering or pain. Practice self-kindness versus the judgment that would so often be there. Offer yourself kindness in the same way that you would to someone you love.
Common humanity
Self-compassion includes a sense of common humanity versus a sense of isolation or the idea that we’re on our own and our pain is somehow unique to us. Instead, we realize that being human is really hard sometimes. Stressful situations and conversations can be so challenging. Common humanity is the acknowledgment that I’m human, you’re human, and sometimes being human is difficult.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of observing our experience with a little bit of distance from it, as opposed to over-identifying with our suffering. If we’re in a challenging situation, instead of letting it become a new story that defines us, we can observe ourselves in the situation and see the thoughts occurring, the emotions that are present, and any physical manifestations that are happening. We do so with some distance: “I am having this experience, but I’m not defined by this experience.”
To recap, the three elements of self-compassion are self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. All three of these elements are present whenever we’re practicing self-compassion.
With this in mind, start to notice when there’s judgment about your pain, suffering or experience. See if you can take a step back from it and offer yourself a bit of kindness.
Begin to consider what it would be like if you were able to employ self-compassion in those moments.
Going forward, in the next video, we’ll talk about some practical ways we can do just that!